At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize