I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
