So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
