why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
