we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
