Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
