I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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