I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
