I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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