whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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