you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize