that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
