I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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