Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize