If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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