i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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