he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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