I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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