so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
