What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
