he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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