Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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