I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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