You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
