Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
