I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
