They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
