I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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