highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
