I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
