1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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