I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
