No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I won the penis lottery.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
