you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize