Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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