worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
