at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
