dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
