smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Randomize
