how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
