Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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