I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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