I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
