well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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