yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
