I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
