I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
