we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
