Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
