she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
