listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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