dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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