So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
