Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
