Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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