It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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