this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
