he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
