i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
