we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize