I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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