Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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