I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
