he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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