her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
