well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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