I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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