so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
