We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
