It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
